Size Matters

How did you read that title?  Size matters as in the size of something is important or size matters as in a topic related to size?  It's all about where you put the emphasis, but either would be right.  However, size does matter.  If someone says different, they are lying.  Approximately 45% of men are unhappy with their penis size.  On the contrary, 85% of women are happy with their partner's size.

FACT: Only 15% of penises are 7 inches or longer, only 3% are 8 inches or more.

What is average?  The global average is approximately 5.5 inches in length, 4.5 in circumference.  Surprised?  Averages vary by country.  North and South Korea tie for last place at 3.80 inches (does this explain something?).  Congo comes in first at just over 7 inches, Ecuador is a close second at 7 inches even.  The United States is barely above the global average at 5.6.  Interestingly, homosexual men from any given country measure in a little longer than straight men.

I love men and I love penises.  I'm not one of those girls that thinks they are "icky".  I want to look and touch and learn.  I like that they are different sizes.  I like that the person attached to them uses them differently and distinctly.  I've had personal experiences on the entire length (haha) of the spectrum.  From close to the size of a ruler, to as wide as a soda can, to about the size of my pinky and everywhere in between.  Let me reiterate, size does matter.

Reference

So, what does this all mean?  Does a man have to feel bad because he has an average penis?  Will a woman get no pleasure if he's at or below average?  NO!  Just like with anything, what might be right or feel good to one person may not be okay for someone else.

Fact: Woman care more about girth than length when it comes to one night stands.

This was the best diagram I could find.  Disappointing.

A lot about the man's size is dependent on the woman (or other man) as well.  If you have a short, tight or narrow vaginal canal, it can be difficult or even painful to engage with a penis that is much above average.  If the vagina is long, deep, wide or ..slack... There could be a problem for both partners feeling what they want and need if the penis is at or below average.  I don't like the feeling of repeatedly having my cervix slammed into, but I also want to know what is going on... I have found that 6-8 inches is perfectly adequate and enjoyable for me (something bigger than not but not so much that I can feel it in my skull), I will choose length over girth every time.  I very specifically do not like anything too wide.  This is likely not the same for you.  Just like choosing your partner, the penis size that is right for your vagina is all about personal preference.

I love nature.

xoxxx-

Julia is a sex enthusiast (talking about it, studying it, taking part in it!) with a B.A. in 

Cultural Anthropology focusing on sex work and sexual taboos. 

She is currently a Master's student in Marriage and Family Therapy 

centering on sex and relationships.

She is a strong advocate for sexual freedom and equality. 

Prostitution in the Old West

This topic is my passion.  I could talk to you indefinitely about this subject. I don't deny the fact that I allow myself to glamorize it a bit.  I have a peculiar fondness for the Old West.  The cowboys.  The Native Americans.  The Goldrush.  But what I really care about are the painted ladies.

Typical small town.

Just like with sex workers today there were quite a diverse group that made up these soiled doves.  While some women sold their services for $.25 others charged upwards of $5,000.  While some worked out of one room slums in poor conditions, others lived in grand homes or brothels with beautiful clothes and plenty of good food and drink.

A working girl.

It's not easy making a living.  Violence was common among the ladies of the night.   Although they made up the majority of the population of women and helped both morale and commerce in the cities, they were second class citizens.  The men viewed them as material objects or immoral and unchaste.  Women who were not paid for services resented and judged them harshly.  It was not surprising for a prostitute to be physically or sexually violated from minor acts of aggression to homicide.

Violence is never the answer.

Not surprising, depression, substance abuse and suicide were prevalent among the women.  Not only were they often taken advantage of, with no real means of refutation, they were also shamed.    The women, not the men who purchased their services were constantly fined.  Newspapers would regularly run the names and personal information of women caught peddling their goods.  When a lady of the evening would die, be killed or commit suicide, they were not allowed to be buried within the confines of the cemetery fences, they were not allowed Christian burials.

Beautiful and heartbreaking.

I love and respect these women.  I am fascinated by their strength, resilience and sheer importance.   Without them the West would not have been the same.

xoxxx-

Julia is a sex enthusiast (talking about it, studying it, taking part in it!) with a B.A. in 

Cultural Anthropology focusing on sex work and sexual taboos. 

She is currently a Master's student in Marriage and Family Therapy 

centering on sex and relationships.

She is a strong advocate for sexual freedom and equality. 

The Number Game

What's your number?  This question can bring immediate panic when presented by a partner, prospective partner or nosy companion.  What is the "right" answer?  A number too low can make you look inexperienced, prudish or lame.  A number too high can signify promiscuity, lack of self respect or an inability to commit.  Do you tell the truth up front and take the judgement and ridicule that might accompany it?  Do you lie and have inner feelings of guilt?  And come to think of it.... What business is it of theirs anyway?!

My number?  My business!

The right number can be debated for days.  According to most religions, the correct number is one, your husband or wife.  Any more is a sin.  An abomination.  The right number, historically, is 10.  That is the answer that a majority of people will give when asked.  It doesn't sound so low that you can be mistaken for a killjoy nor so high that you look like a whore.

Excluding people whose morals keep them at one partner, what does your number really say about you?  If a 35 year old woman reports having 20 sexual partners over the course of her sexual lifetime, that allows her approximately 2 partners per year.  In comparison, if a 25 year old reports three partners, that sounds a lot better--until you learn that one was a high school boyfriend and the other two were part of a threesome she had at a party.  Going specifically by the numerals, 20 sounds a lot worse than three, but looking at circumstances, which should be judged more harshly?

Neither, of course!  Because it's not your concern.  Your number does not dictate you as a person.  The correct number is one in which you are comfortable with having.  If you can happily look at yourself in the mirror, that is what is most important.  Of course, we are all curious.  But one must remember that a person's body is their own.  It is not up to you to decided who is morally just and who is not.  One person might be uncomfortable with a three while 33 is completely acceptable to another.  Personal comfort is key.

There is some discrepancy when it comes to average number of partners in a persons lifetime.  Statistics show the average number for women to be between 4 and 8 while the average number for men being stated between 7 and 12.  How realistic are these numbers?  Why is it socially acceptable for men to have a higher number of sexual partners than women?  A man will often add to the amount of partners they have been with when asked in order to look "like a man".  A woman, will often subtract from her number so as not to look "easy".  Where is the fairness?  Men are often reported as believing a woman should have a remarkably low number otherwise they have preconceived notions about her morality and chasteness.

My number... you want to know?  More than 10.  What do I say when asked then?  How will it affect your life by knowing my personal history?  What do I tell someone who is concerned about a partner or future partner being offended by not revealing your past number of sexual partners?  The truth.  Which is, if the person likes you enough, your past is yours and will not matter.  If a number is a deal breaker, then they are not worth your time and energy.  Our past is what shapes us.. so stand with your choices, keep your head high and be proud.  I'm not ashamed of my number or my past, present or future. Neither should you!

xoxxx-

Julia is a sex enthusiast (talking about it, studying it, taking part in it!) with a B.A. in 
Cultural Anthropology focusing on sex work and sexual taboos. 
She is currently a Master's student in Marriage and Family Therapy 
centering on sex and relationships.
She is a strong advocate for sexual freedom and equality.