I Smell Sex and Candy

It was a little like this.

Smell is the sense linked most closely to memory.  You can be transported to a different time and place due to stimulation to your olfactory bulb. Perfume companies make bank on the fact that the sense of smell triggers memory and arousal.  These triggers can be highly emotional.  Smell is also of significant importance when it comes to attraction.  Pheromones are chemicals in the body that are secreted through sweat and other bodily fluids.  These are thought to bring about sexual excitement.  Everyone has their own distinct smell.  We are extremely attracted to some (NOTE: the sense of smell is often more influential than the sense of sight, thus the attraction to another's pheromones can take precedence over one's physical attraction), neutral to others and revolted by the rest. There are certain smells that will always take me back... dirty hippy (you know.. the smell of nag champa or patchouli mixed with the need for a shower, weed and possibly campfire), lilacs,  hops, fresh cut grass, spaghetti sauce, lavender baby lotion and Indian groceries to name a few.

Twice in the past week I have been sexually aroused by smells.  The first came while I was immersed in psychology articles while sipping a soy chai latte at my local coffee shop.  Suddenly there was this alluring aroma of hot sexy man.  It smelled like shower, coffee and "sure fuck" (a name BTO and I gave a particular men's cologne).  I did not want to look up... it might ruin it.  It wasn't ruined, but it was the classic example of the power of scent.  He was a perfectly acceptable man, probably not someone I would give a second look to normally but fine enough.  Combined with his personal smell though--I'll take it!  The second time happened just as unexpectedly.  I was lying on my bed in the early morning hours, trying to convince myself to get dressed and start the day.  The window was open and a fan was blowing.  I could smell my hemp shampoo and Tom's deodorant, there was the faint aroma of lingering weed.  I was suddenly transported 10 years in the past.  It made me feel young and sexy and desired... at least in that moment.  It made me want to braid my hair, buy a twelve pack and have a day long fuck fest with someone -- someone slutty.

xoxxx-

Julia is a sex enthusiast (talking about it, studying it, taking part in it!) with a B.A. in Cultural Anthropology focusing on sex work and sexual taboos.  She is currently working on a Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy centering on sex and relationships.  She is a strong advocate for sexual freedom and equality.

Sex Block?

I can talk for hours and hours and days and days about sex, fantasies, dysfunctions, disorders, toys, taboos, porn, orientation, abuse... anything.

Unfortunately I don't seem to be able to get into the groove of blogging about it.  This sh*t's a mess.

When the Dirty Gets Dirty

Warning: photos and content deemed for mature audiences only.  

Most people like it when things get a little dirty sometimes.  But what happens when the dirty gets, well... dirty?  The fact is, there are 20 million new cases of STD's (STI's, whatever) every year.  110 million people are currently infected with some form of sexually transmitted disease.  

NOTE: Having an STD makes you more likely to have HIV.  GET TESTED.

So, how do you know?  The most common symptoms of an STD are genital soreness, painful intercourse, open sores or lesions, painful or burning during urination, discharge, redness, itching, bumps, rash, fever, flu like symptoms, swollen lymph nodes and cold sores.  There are about 20 different infections that can be contracted sexually-- vaginally, orally or anally.  The most common include viral herpes (HSV), genital warts, pubic lice (crabs), chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, viral hepatitis, human papillomavirus  (HPV), trichomoniasis, bacterial vaginosis, and HIV.  Some STD's can be treated and cured, usually with penicillin or other strong antibiotic.  Others, the viral variety (warts, herpes, HIV) can only be treated for symptoms.

FACT: Penicillin was an accidental discovery by Alexander Fleming.  1928, London.




What are the best ways to prevent STD's?  Abstinence, which I do not promote, is the best and most effective way.  A close second?  USE A CONDOM.  I don't care if it doesn't feel as good.  It feels a lot better than any of the disease you can get by riding bareback.  45 minutes (I'm generous) is not worth the weeks ... or lifetime of pain and suffering you will have to go through if you contract one of these vial beasts.  No one wants their vagina leaking or to have a flaming penis.  Spend the $3, then go wild.  Protect yourself, no one else will.

Not treating STD's is worse than contracting them in the first place.  Leaving these untreated can lead to more possibility of transmitting to others, infertility, sterility, scarring of reproductive organs, heart disease, brain damage, paralysis, genital ulcers, bacterial and fungal infections and even death.  

Who is most at risk?  People under 25, women (more susceptible than men)... especially young women (more biologically susceptible than older women), IV drug users, frequent social drinkers (diminished inhibitions), those who are under-educated, those who have multiple sex partners (more partners=more chances), and those who trade sex for money or drugs.

REMEMBER: BE SAFE, HAVE FUN and if you find yourself being tested and not just because it's your annual tradition.. reevaluate your habits!


xoxxx-

Julia is a sex enthusiast (talking about it, studying it, taking part in it!) with a B.A. in 

Cultural Anthropology focusing on sex work and sexual taboos. 

She is currently a Master's student in Marriage and Family Therapy 

centering on sex and relationships.

She is a strong advocate for sexual freedom and equality. 

Size Matters

How did you read that title?  Size matters as in the size of something is important or size matters as in a topic related to size?  It's all about where you put the emphasis, but either would be right.  However, size does matter.  If someone says different, they are lying.  Approximately 45% of men are unhappy with their penis size.  On the contrary, 85% of women are happy with their partner's size.

FACT: Only 15% of penises are 7 inches or longer, only 3% are 8 inches or more.

What is average?  The global average is approximately 5.5 inches in length, 4.5 in circumference.  Surprised?  Averages vary by country.  North and South Korea tie for last place at 3.80 inches (does this explain something?).  Congo comes in first at just over 7 inches, Ecuador is a close second at 7 inches even.  The United States is barely above the global average at 5.6.  Interestingly, homosexual men from any given country measure in a little longer than straight men.

I love men and I love penises.  I'm not one of those girls that thinks they are "icky".  I want to look and touch and learn.  I like that they are different sizes.  I like that the person attached to them uses them differently and distinctly.  I've had personal experiences on the entire length (haha) of the spectrum.  From close to the size of a ruler, to as wide as a soda can, to about the size of my pinky and everywhere in between.  Let me reiterate, size does matter.

Reference

So, what does this all mean?  Does a man have to feel bad because he has an average penis?  Will a woman get no pleasure if he's at or below average?  NO!  Just like with anything, what might be right or feel good to one person may not be okay for someone else.

Fact: Woman care more about girth than length when it comes to one night stands.

This was the best diagram I could find.  Disappointing.

A lot about the man's size is dependent on the woman (or other man) as well.  If you have a short, tight or narrow vaginal canal, it can be difficult or even painful to engage with a penis that is much above average.  If the vagina is long, deep, wide or ..slack... There could be a problem for both partners feeling what they want and need if the penis is at or below average.  I don't like the feeling of repeatedly having my cervix slammed into, but I also want to know what is going on... I have found that 6-8 inches is perfectly adequate and enjoyable for me (something bigger than not but not so much that I can feel it in my skull), I will choose length over girth every time.  I very specifically do not like anything too wide.  This is likely not the same for you.  Just like choosing your partner, the penis size that is right for your vagina is all about personal preference.

I love nature.

xoxxx-

Julia is a sex enthusiast (talking about it, studying it, taking part in it!) with a B.A. in 

Cultural Anthropology focusing on sex work and sexual taboos. 

She is currently a Master's student in Marriage and Family Therapy 

centering on sex and relationships.

She is a strong advocate for sexual freedom and equality. 

Prostitution in the Old West

This topic is my passion.  I could talk to you indefinitely about this subject. I don't deny the fact that I allow myself to glamorize it a bit.  I have a peculiar fondness for the Old West.  The cowboys.  The Native Americans.  The Goldrush.  But what I really care about are the painted ladies.

Typical small town.

Just like with sex workers today there were quite a diverse group that made up these soiled doves.  While some women sold their services for $.25 others charged upwards of $5,000.  While some worked out of one room slums in poor conditions, others lived in grand homes or brothels with beautiful clothes and plenty of good food and drink.

A working girl.

It's not easy making a living.  Violence was common among the ladies of the night.   Although they made up the majority of the population of women and helped both morale and commerce in the cities, they were second class citizens.  The men viewed them as material objects or immoral and unchaste.  Women who were not paid for services resented and judged them harshly.  It was not surprising for a prostitute to be physically or sexually violated from minor acts of aggression to homicide.

Violence is never the answer.

Not surprising, depression, substance abuse and suicide were prevalent among the women.  Not only were they often taken advantage of, with no real means of refutation, they were also shamed.    The women, not the men who purchased their services were constantly fined.  Newspapers would regularly run the names and personal information of women caught peddling their goods.  When a lady of the evening would die, be killed or commit suicide, they were not allowed to be buried within the confines of the cemetery fences, they were not allowed Christian burials.

Beautiful and heartbreaking.

I love and respect these women.  I am fascinated by their strength, resilience and sheer importance.   Without them the West would not have been the same.

xoxxx-

Julia is a sex enthusiast (talking about it, studying it, taking part in it!) with a B.A. in 

Cultural Anthropology focusing on sex work and sexual taboos. 

She is currently a Master's student in Marriage and Family Therapy 

centering on sex and relationships.

She is a strong advocate for sexual freedom and equality. 

The Number Game

What's your number?  This question can bring immediate panic when presented by a partner, prospective partner or nosy companion.  What is the "right" answer?  A number too low can make you look inexperienced, prudish or lame.  A number too high can signify promiscuity, lack of self respect or an inability to commit.  Do you tell the truth up front and take the judgement and ridicule that might accompany it?  Do you lie and have inner feelings of guilt?  And come to think of it.... What business is it of theirs anyway?!

My number?  My business!

The right number can be debated for days.  According to most religions, the correct number is one, your husband or wife.  Any more is a sin.  An abomination.  The right number, historically, is 10.  That is the answer that a majority of people will give when asked.  It doesn't sound so low that you can be mistaken for a killjoy nor so high that you look like a whore.

Excluding people whose morals keep them at one partner, what does your number really say about you?  If a 35 year old woman reports having 20 sexual partners over the course of her sexual lifetime, that allows her approximately 2 partners per year.  In comparison, if a 25 year old reports three partners, that sounds a lot better--until you learn that one was a high school boyfriend and the other two were part of a threesome she had at a party.  Going specifically by the numerals, 20 sounds a lot worse than three, but looking at circumstances, which should be judged more harshly?

Neither, of course!  Because it's not your concern.  Your number does not dictate you as a person.  The correct number is one in which you are comfortable with having.  If you can happily look at yourself in the mirror, that is what is most important.  Of course, we are all curious.  But one must remember that a person's body is their own.  It is not up to you to decided who is morally just and who is not.  One person might be uncomfortable with a three while 33 is completely acceptable to another.  Personal comfort is key.

There is some discrepancy when it comes to average number of partners in a persons lifetime.  Statistics show the average number for women to be between 4 and 8 while the average number for men being stated between 7 and 12.  How realistic are these numbers?  Why is it socially acceptable for men to have a higher number of sexual partners than women?  A man will often add to the amount of partners they have been with when asked in order to look "like a man".  A woman, will often subtract from her number so as not to look "easy".  Where is the fairness?  Men are often reported as believing a woman should have a remarkably low number otherwise they have preconceived notions about her morality and chasteness.

My number... you want to know?  More than 10.  What do I say when asked then?  How will it affect your life by knowing my personal history?  What do I tell someone who is concerned about a partner or future partner being offended by not revealing your past number of sexual partners?  The truth.  Which is, if the person likes you enough, your past is yours and will not matter.  If a number is a deal breaker, then they are not worth your time and energy.  Our past is what shapes us.. so stand with your choices, keep your head high and be proud.  I'm not ashamed of my number or my past, present or future. Neither should you!

xoxxx-

Julia is a sex enthusiast (talking about it, studying it, taking part in it!) with a B.A. in 
Cultural Anthropology focusing on sex work and sexual taboos. 
She is currently a Master's student in Marriage and Family Therapy 
centering on sex and relationships.
She is a strong advocate for sexual freedom and equality.